15 Best Klaus Hargreeves Quotes

Having recently wrapped up its second season, The Umbrella Academy has seen exceptional success. The series is based on the Dark Horse graphic novels series by the same name which was written and created by Gerard Way. Bringing the comics to life proved to be the way to go, as the Netflix series was pretty much an instant hit when it first aired.

The Umbrella Academy is the story of a dysfunctional family of superheroes, and the characters were a hit with the audience from the beginning. This is a big reason why The Umbrella Academy has seen such triumph, as the characters are most definitely the selling point. Klaus Hargreeves is perhaps the most quotable character in this series. The lovable junkie who has the power to see and interact with the dead is what Chandler Bing was to Friends and what Daryl Dixon is to The Walking Dead. Klaus Hargreeves is the underdog in his family, and though his goofy, nonchalant attitude often gets on his siblings’ nerves, viewers absolutely love him.

Let’s explore some of Klaus Hargreeves’ most memorable one-liners.

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Updated August 8th, 2020 by Matthew Rudoy: Season 2 of The Umbrella Academy gifted fans with a new treasure trove of delightful Klaus Hargreeves moments. He continued to be a lovable, quirky, and hilarious character. Klaus brought to life some of the second season’s most humorous and heartfelt moments. Regardless of which sibling he’s interacting with, every scene Klaus is in is a treat to watch. He remains one of the show’s most quotable characters, with plenty of new gems that will stick in fans’ minds and remind them of this fan-favorite Hargreeves sibling. 

15 “Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.”

The Umbrella Academy Klaus Season 2

When Klaus finds himself in prison with cult follower Keechie, he’s pressed to share some wisdom. Keechie thinks Klaus is sharing some deep wisdom, not knowing it’s actually a lyric from the song “Waterfalls” by TLC, a song that doesn’t yet exist in 1963.

The reference is more meaningful than that, though, as it is indicative of Klaus clinging to his old habits and way of life instead of bravely moving forward. Keechie certainly thinks it’s meaningful and spreads the quote far and wide.

14 “Family barbecues are about to get real weird.”

With Ben’s help, Klaus is able to free Allison’s husband Raymond Chestnut from prison. Klaus then drops the bombshell that he is Allison’s brother, which is followed up by the line about family barbecues.

This is the understatement of the century as Ray has no idea at this point about Allison’s “rumor” superpower, let alone her superpowered siblings and their remarkable history together. Klaus considers Ray to be family now, but he can never prepare Ray for the bizarre and dysfunctional depths of the Hargreeves family.

13 “Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.”

When Klaus chats with Allison and Vanya about the siblings’ many failed romantic relationships, it becomes clear that none of them are ideal to give each other relationship advice. Between all the tragedy and toxicity, none of them have had the chance to develop a long-lasting and healthy romantic relationship that flourished.

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That leads to Klaus’s quip about Five having the healthiest long-term relationship with the mannequin Delores that he carried with him during the apocalypse and throughout the events of the first season. It is a sad state of affairs if a relationship with a mannequin is the best they can do. Only Klaus can get away with casually saying something so ridiculous yet true.

12 “If you don’t make it back, there’s one thing that I need to tell you . . .”

The Umbrella Academy Diego Season 2

Klaus, Diego, and Allison are doing everything in their power to reach Vanya and stop her from causing the apocalypse before it’s too late. When Klaus tells Diego that there’s something he needs to say in case Diego doesn’t make it back, the audience prepares itself for a heartwarming and emotional moment from Klaus.

After insisting that Diego hears what he has to say, Klaus tells him, “You look like Antonio Banderas with the long hair.” Klaus’s urgency in this tense moment subverts the expectations of the audience and of his siblings. It’s hilarious, but it’s also clear the Diego sincerely appreciates the remark, and that it helps put Diego into his confident hero mode.

11 “All these years and I thought it was my fault that he didn’t take his ticket to heaven.”

The Umbrella Academy Ben Season 2

Ben makes a huge sacrifice when he ends his ghostly existence so he can reach Vanya, get through to her, and prevent her powers from exploding and causing the apocalypse again. Before Ben’s ghost disappears, he tells Vanya to pass on a message to Klaus.

The message is that Ben was too scared to go toward the light after he died and it wasn’t Klaus who made him stay. Klaus always felt guilty about Ben sticking around as a ghost for 17 years after he died. Klaus’s response is one of gratitude and relief as he no longer has to wrestle with this guilt. He now realizes that it was Ben’s choice to stay and can feel happy that Ben has found the strength and inner peace to move on.

10 “Drop Dead!”

The Umbrella Academy Season 1 Ben Justin H Min

One of the most intriguing dynamics that TUA has to offer is that of the relationship between brothers Ben and Klaus. Ben Hargreeves is the only deceased sibling, and is sorely missed by everyone… except Klaus, who is able to see him all the time.

Throughout the first season, Ben serves as a voice of reason for Klaus. As a result, these two have many touching, beautiful moments, and also many hilarious moments. One notable interaction was when the brothers were arguing, and Klaus snapped at Ben “drop dead!” which was obviously a ridiculous thing to say since Ben was, of course, already dead.

9 “You are depriving some village of their idiot.”

Klaus endures some traumatic heartache when he accidentally time travels back to the 60s and into the Vietnam War. It would be logical for Klaus to immediately attempt to find his way back to his own time, but something keeps him in Vietnam. That is, someone—and that someone is Dave.

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Though viewers don’t get to see a lot of Klaus and Dave’s romance, they are shown enough for this whole storyline to be heartbreaking. After Dave’s death, Klaus returns home and suffers from severe PTSD. So he visits a veteran bar, staring with sadness and nostalgia at an old photograph that includes Dave and himself. This incenses the other veterans, who attempt to kick Klaus out. It’s then that Klaus shouts one of his most memorable lines: “I’d like to apologize… that you are depriving some village of their idiot!”.

8 “He’s dead! Yay!”

The Umbrella Academy - Klaus

In the series premiere and one of Klaus’ very first scenes, he makes quite an impression. Allison finds him rummaging through their dad’s stuff looking for valuables to pawn for drug money. Allison is humored by this, and when Klaus notices her, he awkwardly tries to take attention away from what he was doing. Klaus goes on to muse about what a terrible man their father was, much to Allison’s amusement. Hilariously, Klaus exclaims “he’s dead, yay!”, being completely unashamed in hiding his true feelings about their father.

7 “Dad, could you stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment?”

The Umbrella Academy - Reginald Hargreeves

In one of the most disturbing sequences on The Umbrella Academy, Klaus goes into a very creepy purgatory-like version of the afterlife and has a strange conversation with his dad. But before this, Klaus considered using his power to reach out to Reginald to be an impossible task.

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His sibling attempt to convince him to at least try, but Klaus stubbornly refuses. He, of course, tries to bring humour to the whole situation—one of his most lovable qualities—and says, “I can’t just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, ‘Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?'”.

6 “Best. Funeral. Ever.”

Though Reginald Hargreeves was a pretty horrible man, his family attempted to hold a decent funeral in his honor. They tried, but the whole thing ultimately wound up being a disaster. The Hargreeves siblings, understandably, couldn’t look past all of the terrible things their father had done, so the funeral was really just a dysfunctional mess that ended with Ben’s memorable statue getting ruined in the midst of all the fighting. The event was a disaster, which prompted Klaus to sarcastically comment, “best. funeral. ever.”.

5 “I’m just gonna go murder mom, I’ll be right back.”

After Reginald’s death, the Hargreeves siblings’ “mother”—or Reginald’s robot maid Grace—began acting very strange. This sparked a debate among the siblings regarding what they should do with Grace since she could potentially be dangerous. Before they realize that their mother could be a suspect in their father’s murder, the Hargreeves siblings begin to suspect each other. Everyone is obviously offended by the accusations being thrown around, especially Klaus, who sarcastically bites back with, “I’m just gonna go murder Mom, I’ll be right back”.

4 “You used to think I was an idiot.”

Due to his problem with drugs, his inability to take anything seriously, and his joking, goofy demeanor, Klaus has endured quite a lot of disrespect from his siblings. They often look down on him and think of him as being useless.

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It’s very humorous when Klaus says to Diego, “you used to think I was an idiot”, and Diego responds with, “I still do”. But this is also very sad, as Klaus deserves to be taken seriously and treated as equal by his siblings.

3 “I have to pee…”

The Umbrella Academy - Klaus in the Bathtub

One of the funniest Klaus moments in season 1 was when he convinced Diego to tie him to a chair. Klaus wanted this because he was attempting to conjure up Dave, but didn’t want his inevitable itch for drugs to get in his way since, to utilize his power, he has to be sober.

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Diego spends quite some time intricately tying Klaus to a chair in a way that will ensure he won’t be able to escape. At the end of all this, when Diego goes to leave the run, Klaus cries, “Wait! I have to pee!”

2 “Today, he punched me in the face.”

Another hilarious interaction between Klaus and Ben was when Ben was trying to convince his brother to stay sober and help his siblings by using his powers. This results in an argument between Klaus and Ben, and, in the end, Klaus pretends that Ben has won, only to yell, “Psych!” and toss a handful of pills into his mouth.

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Angered by his brother’s obnoxious little trick, Ben reacts quickly and punches Klaus in the face. The pills fly out of Klaus’ mouth with the impact, and the brothers look at each other in astonishment by the fact that Ben, a ghost, managed to make physical contact with Klaus. Later on, the Hargreeves are having a discussion regarding their plan to stop the apocalypse. Klaus offers up his help and his powers. Reasoning that Ben is able to make physical contact now, Klaus says, “today, he punched me in the face”.

1 “You guys are scarier without the masks.”

The Umbrella Academy Hazel and Cha Cha

When time-traveler assassins Hazel and Cha Cha arrived at the Hargreeves mansion, they had one mission: to kill Five. But this mission quickly went off the rails when the assassins had to deal with the rest of the Hargreeves family.

During the whole debacle, Klaus remains oblivious and dances around the house wearing headphones and a towel while his siblings fight the assassins. But Hazel and Cha Cha ultimately end up capturing Klaus and taking him back to their hotel room where they interrogate him for answers on Five’s whereabouts. Klaus refuses to crack and hilariously seems to actually enjoy some of the ordeal. He infuriates Hazel and Cha Cha in many ways, especially when he sees them without their masks and comments, “you guys are scarier without the masks”.

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